I managed to finish Crash and Burn, and I’m feeling generous, so it’s getting two stars instead of the one star it deserves. Let’s get started, shall we?
“If there was one thing Ty and Zane knew how to do, it was abuse each other for fun.”
(If you don’t mind, I’m going to use nothing but X-Files gifs to express my utter disappointment with this book. See, The X-Files has genuinely amazing, kickass FBI agents, if you were wondering.)
We start off with Zane, working in his office, hating his job. Then he miraculously discovers his house is bugged, so he gets home pretending to be drunk, fucks Ty, and takes off. Why? I dunno. Some genius, mastermind plan he came up with. WHICH MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL. That was just the first couple of chapters. But hell, it basically summed up the entire book.
I’m not entirely sure what the plot of this book was, but let me try to be explain it. (Some spoilers ahead, but hell I don’t give a fuck about them because I’m trying to convince myself this book wasn’t real). So, Richard Burns, who was like a father to Ty, was killed in the previous book. Now suddenly he’s the reason why not only the Vega cartel is after Ty and Zane, but also the NIA, and the CIA, although the latter wants to help them in very shady ways. The only reason Ty and Zane know about this is because Liam Bell shows up and tells them so. Also, Liam is not to be trusted. Although maybe he is. Wasn’t he brainwashing Nick? Nah, he’s a decent guy. Let’s just abuse him as much as we want, he literally will do nothing to defend himself. Ah, my favorite kind of bad-guy.
Then we get Ty and Zane, the newlyweds whose romance is harder to buy than the fact that 90% of the main characters in this book consists of gay killing-machine men. (Might I add, a large portion of them have banged Ty). No, really, and the newlyweds only really speak to each other in bed. In the first four, five books, Ty and Zane actually had a semblance of romance. They had depth. They had sweetness and care. I think the author tries to make up for the lack of emotion between these character by tossing out a bunch of pet names.
But back to the plot. If there is a plot. I’m still trying to find it, buried underneath all of the crazy plan ideas that were tossed from left to right by the characters. Honestly, Roux, this shows how unplanned this entire storyline was. When your characters start by planning to kidnap Zane–and then wait a minute, we can’t do that, okay let’s kidnap the cartel leader, oh wait, no that won’t work, okay let’s go to Bluefield, oh man never mind, let’s go here instead–and then so on and so forth, until nothing really gets done, then all you manage is to confuse the reader. And then the fact that I believed so many of the plot twists that kept being tossed at me, when it was all used to stall the non-existent plot, was just too much to deal with. I had a headache.
And then we have the fact that all of my favorite side characters had little to no lines at all! What the hell, man? Why would you bring in Mara and Chester and give them like two lines each? What about Deuce and his family? Where was my closure for these characters? I honestly don’t get why Roux hates female characters so much. Sure, she had Clancy, but who the fuck really is Clancy? She’s barely been in the series, and I don’t know shit about her. She had very few scenes, but Zane is in awe of her. If he really cared about this girl, he would fucking talk about her. I mean, how can you have so many developed male characters and no female characters to even it out? It makes no sense.
When I picked up the first book, Cut and Run, I was mesmerized. I had been given awesome characters, who were FBI agents, who knew how to put up a fight, who were honest and brave, who solved fascinating crime mysteries, who had fears and loses and who were ready to face the world without a second thought. I was given Ty and Zane, two people whom I loved and respected. I was given a gift. And I kept thinking “Wow, by the end of this series, I’m going to love them ten times more!” And here we are, and all of the love I had for them has dwindled to vague memories. I’m not sure who these characters are anymore. I’m not sure I care about them at all anymore. And that is fucking sad.
Goodbye, Ty and Zane. It was so great meeting you. I wish I had said goodbye to you around book five or six. I wish I hadn’t read about you at your shallowest point. I wish you were still the amazing FBI agents I was introduced to. I wish you had been given a proper ending.
Zane grasped Ty’s hand and threading their fingers together for a short squeeze. He dropped his voice even lower. “Te amo.”
“Je t’aime, mon cheri,” Ty said brokenly.
And as I wrote down one of my only favorite parts in this book, I realized there is a grammar mistake in that sentence above. I was going to fix it, but I’m copying it down exactly how it is written in the book. The poorly written book I spent eight bucks on. I’m all about wasting money, I guess. Maybe I could be like Mulder and find a positive side in all the junk I buy.
It’s probably clear by now that, no, I do not recommend this to anyone. But if you’re still curious about this series, then read books 1-6. The last one has a happy ending that should give you enough closure. Trust me, you don’t need to read this book to wrap up the series. Save yourself the disappointment.